Hidden Figures in a World Screaming Hate

I got a great movie for my birthday; it’s called “Hidden Figures.” It follows the lives of three black women who made amazing progress at NASA in a state that was still segregated and in a time where women were still seen as housewives and not much else. They were phenomenal women and I can’t watch that movie without crying.

Lately it seems like I’ve been transported back in time…back to the 60’s and the height of the civil rights movement. There are angry marches by black groups of people, and hateful marches from white people…white people idolizing arguably the worst tyrant in the history of the world. It seems the world has been turned upside down and nothing is fair anymore…arguably for so many nothing has ever been fair.

Regarding the riots in Charlottesville, VA so many people have spoken out on major platforms, condemning those who so openly marched in such a hateful way! How can we condone that?! I’ve seen many memes that talk about how the tiki torch company has taken a firmer stand than president Trump. I’ve seen memes about how we lump Muslims into the overhead of terrorist and how that’s not right but we lump everyone who voted for President Trump into this hateful neo-Nazi group who went so far as to kill someone and injure others.

Hate makes us all uncomfortable. No one wants to be in the line of fire—I know I sure don’t. That usually means I just avoid posting anything but pictures for family on Facebook and Instagram. I don’t say anything because I know no matter what I say I offend someone. We live in such an age of offense and hate…it makes my heart hurt. I live in an area that has a lot more black people than where I grew up…and I find myself nervous at the grocery store. What if me smiling at someone in the grocery aisle is offensive? My mother in law was yelled at, at the grocery store, for getting in a line before a black woman did. I’m scared to compliment women on their amazing hair in the grocery store because it might be considered racist. And I know that black people have a similar and greater gambit of fears about white people and what they’ll do.

How did we get to a point in our society where we were scared to go outside for fear of offending someone or being offended? How did we get to a point in our society where we were scared to go outside for fear of being treated unfairly just for the color of our skin?

I look at my two beautiful white boys and I worry about what their future will look like. The government keeps putting things into place to try and make racial equality happen…but the answer doesn’t come from more laws and concessions made in the white house. The answer has to come from inside the walls of our homes. We have to teach our children to love all those who they come in contact with outside our homes. That means that we simply must stop saying things like, “all Muslims are terrorists,” “all Mexicans are illegal immigrants,” “all blacks are thugs,” and “all whites are entitled snobs.” Whether we’re saying them outright or simply implying them in conversation, our children pick up on it! Things like this cause us all to come to the boxing ring with our gloves on and ready to defend ourselves…no constructive conversation or progress can come when that’s our attitude. So frequently our conversations are racist without us ever realizing just how racist they are.

I’m sure I’ve offended some saying I’m worried about my boys and their future because we’re white. I’m sure that right there is considered racist by some. But hate seems to exist on all sides. And that’s where each of us needs to step up and be the first. Be the first to say something in a conversation where the topic has turned to hateful criticism of another. Stand up and be the voice of reason and love—remember the example of a perfect Savior who taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves…he never specified color or gender when he taught that.

At one point of “Hidden Figures” the director of the engineers at NASA says, “We’re in the fight of our lives here people!” He was talking about getting the USA to space, but I would argue that we are again in the fight of our lives here…in the United States…not against Russia or Communism, but against hate amongst our own. It has become a canker that if we don’t do something about we will surely suffer the consequences, and so will our children, those precious sweet babies you kiss at night and dream about growing up to change the world.

We need to be the change if we want them to change the world. Because children learn from examples. We need to be the hidden figures of our day. Some of us will do that in drastic public ways, outside the home on school boards and at political marches. Some of us won’t go much outside of raising our children right in the walls of our own homes and posting loving messages on social media. I’m grateful for each of us who contribute in whatever way that we can. Because every action big or small makes a difference.

I’m so grateful for a religion who speaks out about intolerant acts such as the tragic events as of late in Charlottesville, VA. I don’t watch the news—we don’t have TV and I guess like the ostrich I hate to see the injustice in the world—and I’m grateful to know about things that are happening because of that resource. I’m saddened at how long its taken to see anything relating to this tragedy appear in the news…at least where I’m at.

I know I’ll never truly understand the plight of racism that exists in the world, particularly in America. But I can teach my children how to love, and I too can love. And for that I am grateful.

Our baby turned ONE!!!

I seriously can’t believe my little man is one! Where did the time go?! I take pictures of my sidekick on the daily, unless my phone is full…which as a mom is a constant battle! So I’m sorry I never make it back to the blog to share his incredible cuteness, seriously people he’s adorable!

Many of you know my obsession for and love of dinosaurs, so I’m sure it’s not difficult for you to decipher what we themed his big day… He was completely oblivious to the fact that it was his birthday, not surprising, but we still thought it was a great day! We started it off with German Pancakes for breakfast Since he was officially allowed to eat eggs. They were a really big hit!

 For lunch we met up with daddy and yaya and wepa for some delicious bbq. They were, unfortunately, out of fries which Coulson loves…so instead he devoured our onion tanglers and enjoyed our pulled pork and briscuit. It was so yummy and he had so much fun! The day before his birthday I dared to go to carters and spent way too much money on baby clothes, but I did find what I had originally gone in pursuit of! They had this darling outfit set that said “I’m a wild one” on the t-shirt, which went perfectly with his birthday invitations we made. 

I teach piano lessons on Thursdays so we came home to get ready for lessons after we enjoyed our tasty lunch! Coulson was so sweet and played while I taught, I love this kid. Towards the end of lessons yaya (grandma) got there with his presents, and he was loving the little snail car they’d gotten for him. Seriously it’s the cutest little thing! It has googly eyes that make different honking noises and light up when they’re pushed. I think Coulson loves Saturdays because mark will push him around on it while he sits and beeps the eyes. 

We feel so blessed to live so close to family, they’ve been so wonderful with all the changes that come with a big move like ours! 

For dinner that night we had left over roast and potatoes and gravy from Sunday…but Coulson hadn’t had a nap all day so he crashed hard in the high chair and took a nap during dinner and for about an hour after dinner…only when you’re one do you miss birthday presents to catch a nap. 

I’m a mean mom though, so when he woke up we dragged him back out to open presents. He was completely uninterested, but everyone was so generous and he got so many cute things!! So thank you all so much 🙂

This is an outfit my mom got him and I think it’s so cute!!! I have videos and other pictures of him opening things (or at least me trying to get him to open things) but I’m on my phone so this will have to do for now. 

Anyway, no first birthday is complete without a smash cake. Coulson’s was both not very cute and not very tasty. I tried to be the healthy mom and make a banana cake but it turned out more like really dense banana bread. And then I ran out of powdered sugar and tried making powdered sugar out of granulated sugar in the food processor. It was close, but the icing was kind of like King cake icing and was still rather crunchy. But what one year old cares when you’re giving them free reign on an entire cake worth of sugar?! You’re right, not one!

So we face timed everyone that would answer and cleared the kitchen so he could sit on the floor and make as much of a mess as he wanted. We had cameras going from every angle and he just sat there…it was awesome. I think he felt isolated and started to want to sit on my lap, so I got off my stool and sat down next to him. That gave him the confidence to dig in, and bonus for him he now had a mom sized napkin to clean his sticky hands off on. He got it in my hair, between my toes, and all over my legs…in a food fight he would be a definite winner! I only have pictures of my jeans on my phone so  I apologize for that!

Let’s just say there were baths all around that night!

The rest of our birthday festivities were held off until Sunday evening. We had a little party with marks parents and my good friend Marcie and her family. It was small and quiet, delicious and so fun! We had homemade pizza, homemade root beer, green salad, homemade ice cream, and Marcie brought some fantastic homemade breadsticks! It was a delicious feast 🙂 

It was a really fun week, and we’re so grateful for this darling boy and the joy and love he brings to our home! Thanks to each of you for making this day such a special one for our little man! 

Seriously, he has grown so fast!! Such a precious little bundle 🙂

Peace and blessings,

The Mosers 

Today was a Mom Day for the Win

This week has been an incredibly productive week! My house is completely clean–minus the mopping of the floors which seems to be my least favorite chores this day, but I’ve made myself promise they’ll get done before date night happens tonight. I pieced a baby quilt top and started piecing the back. I finally got Coulson’s birth certificate corrected and sent back. I got my Visiting Teaching letters sent, my rent is paid, I made an appointment to get the piano tuned, and I have made my bed and showered every day this week. That my friends is a mom week for the win…at least according to everything I’ve seen on social media.

But what that picture doesn’t paint is how my relationship with little man has fared amidst all this business. Phone calls happened along with all the other things and I found myself a particularly grumpy mommy when he would cry to get my attention, or give his shrill shriek of hunger that I know so well. He would bite me when the shrieking didn’t work and then I had to try and figure out how to teach my almost 11 month old that biting hurts mommy, and we don’t bite…honestly I feel like it’s a losing battle but I try to sweetly win it every time it happens. Productivity wise this week was a mom win, but in the mom department it was nearly a shameful loss, until this afternoon.

The piano tuner was supposed to come this morning at 10…at 12:30 he finally called me back and told he he had double booked and written down the wrong number for me. I was pretty frustrated. We had gotten up earlier than usual so that I could exercise and be cleaned up when he got here, and then I waited for 2 and a half hours for him to show up. Anyway, needless to say the morning was kind of a bust, although it did yield a 2 hour nap time snuggle with my usually busy wiggly boy! After I knew the piano tuner was never coming, and in my avoidance of mopping floors, I went into my room and laid on my freshly made bed so that Coulson and I could have some “waller” time on the bed…a personal favorite of his that has lots of on and off the beds and lots of giggles. It’s becoming a favorite for me too, even though i really should remake the bed after these sessions, but who has time to make the bed twice?!

Anyway, I was reading a blog…which led to reading another blog…and you know where this goes, I was pretty distracted. But not so distracted that I wasn’t intermittently paying attention to what little man was doing. I rescued daddy’s journal and a sheet from FHE on Monday Night. I clapped when he figured out how to safely dismount the bed, as opposed to his usual head dive dismount which he quickly gets up from and goes on about his business without a single tear. My little man is so tough! But I think Heavenly Father touched me long enough to say, “Noel, you need to pay attention to these little moments.” And so I looked up, and I watched as my dare devil little boy let go of the bed and stood up all on his own, and then tried to take a step and fell onto his little cloth diapered bum. And that my friends is how this week, and this day became a mom win. Because 10 years from now I won’t care that my house was clean, or that I got the 3 work outs in I was supposed to this week, or that I finally got a few things done that have been on my to-do list for almost a year. 10 years from now I’ll remember that I saw when my little guy tried to start walking on his own, and I’ll be grateful I put my phone away and paid attention for those 15 seconds of bravery.

Peace and Blessings,

Noel

Detours

   
    
 Sometimes life doesn’t go how you’ve planned. I mentioned in a previous post that about 3 weeks after we found out we were pregnant (which also means about 3 weeks after we got maternity health insurance) we lost our job, and with our job our health insurance. Life seems to teeter on such an uncertain point…we’re either doing really well or we’re suddenly doing poorly. The thing I’ve realized though is that, when life seems to be on the “poorly” side of the teeter totter, God seems to be most recognizably by my side. 

When we found out we had lost our job I just calmly told Mark I knew we would be ok. Anyone who knows me knows that’s not like me. I’m generally the pessimist who imagines worst case scenarios and then based my emotional reaction on that. We were in the early stages of pregnancy, a pregnancy we had prayed long and hard for, and that sort of stress could have been a big problem for me. So I know that Heavenly Father was there helping me to be calm when I normally would have gone crazy. 

The next month was an interesting one. Not only had Mark lost his job, but I didn’t get a single substitute job the entire next month. I’ve never been so grateful for savings in my life. After that month things really started to look up. Mark’s parents invited us to visit for a couple weeks and offered to pay Mark for some landscape work. When we got back from California he was able to get a job at the school where I was teaching part time. Then a family in my aunt’s ward hired him as part of a professional moving team. When we lost our job it was a golden opportunity to see how the Lord really takes care of his children. They weren’t the professional caliber of jobs that Mark was seeking, but we were able to support ourselves and stay solvent with the help of family who let us live with them. 

This time was also incredibly unique because I got some quality time with the love of my life. He eased a lot of the stress of pregnancy and was able to come to every doctors appointment and ultrasound. As challenging as this time was in our lives, it was also such a period of peace and restorative in nature. I cherish those months without work because I recognize that I probably won’t get time like that with Mark again until we’re retired. Time truly is such a wonderful blessing. 

And there was a light at the end of this particularly challenging employment tunnel. Mark was offered an incredible position, working with his dad, in Southern California. Let’s be honest, that was the period of true challenge for me. I wanted him to find an excellent job in the great state of Idaho, but we were suddenly planning a whirlwind move to the edge of the Mojave Desert. I was dreading it at first, and I really dragged my feet. But what a blessing the high desert has been for us!

  
We moved down the day after thanksgiving. It was a quick parting from my family that I love so much, and from the state where I have lived my entire memorable life. I was heartbroken until we left, and then the sense of adventure overwhelmed my breaking heart and we set our sights on sunny California. Getting there was quite an adventure, one that involved our car dying on the side of the road and sitting in traffic for 3 hours from Las Vegas to Primm with an infant, but when we finally got home there was delicious turkey and stuffing that Mark’s dad had made, and a new chapter of our lives to start. 
We found a place to live in record time and Mark loves his job. Being with my little family here in California has reminded me what really matters most: having my hubby and our little man with me. And with love surrounding me I have come to love this place we now call home. Let’s be honest, how could you not love living minutes from amenities (we moved from somewhere where we were a solid hour from a Walmart so…). And I’ve been blessed to make wonderful friends in the ward where we live. God is so good! And sometimes we just need to take a detour to realize it. 

Peace and Blessings,

Noel

Coulson Lane

I realized this afternoon that I’ve resisted the urge to blog several times over the last months because I wanted to wait until I had the time to write down everything from my amazing experience with having my sweet little guy to all the incredible things that have happened in his incredibly short life. I also realized that as the mom to an active 7 1/2 month old, if I waited to blog until I “had the time” to finally sit down and write everything that has happened I would literally never get it done. So today I’m writing about our life right now. And maybe someday I’ll go back and record his birth story on the blog, but I have recordings from when I first have him of me telling his birth story, because since he came to Earth my hands have been joyfully full with his sweet spirit.

So Coulson Lane Moser was born at 10:30 PM on October 6, 2015. I had prepared myself to go past my due date by at least two weeks, because that is what I had seen my friends all go through. I was also prepared to go through at least 24 hours of labor, and quite possibly experience a c-section because that seemed to be the trend for nearly everyone who had a baby from June to September. But that was not my birth story, and I think mine was beautiful. Coulson came on my sister’s birthday which was super cool. He also came after only 15 hours of labor, 12 hours of active labor which started all on their own. And I only pushed for 10 minutes before he made his grand entrance. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced so far in my life. My mom and my amazing husband were there with me when I gave birth, and I couldn’t have done it without them. Mark swears he couldn’t have gotten me to walk like my mom did…and I couldn’t agree more. She would push me, just a little bit further she’d say…and by golly she got me to walk for an entire hour just before I was admitted to the hospital, and I am so grateful for her!

I got an epidural, and it was a heavenly thing. I think the anesthesiologist did a perfect job! I could feel the “pressure” of my contractions, but no pain, so I knew when to push. Dr. Evans delivered my baby which was extremely special because he was the doctor that helped us through the infertility hurdles to get pregnant in the first place. If you’re in Rexburg, and you need a good doctor, I would strongly suggest him. He is awesome!

When Dr. Evans broke my water there was meconium in the fluid so the plan was to deliver him without having him cry. This meant that Mark wouldn’t get to cut the cord, but we had a NICU team there to help us when he was delivered and we both were grateful that he would be in good hands. Coulson had a plan of his own though, and he came into this world screaming and crying. I saw him for a split second as they laid him on my chest and Mark finished cutting the cord. That’s quite an awe inspiring moment to see the tiny human that has spent months inside of you growing and maturing. I couldn’t believe he was mine! And, such a blessing, there were no negative outcomes from him crying upon his arrival. The NICU team worked quickly and efficiently, and I had my baby back before I knew it. He took to nursing so well right from the get go and all the moments of worry melted away and I just felt so overwhelmingly blessed. The journey to become a mother has been a trying and a rewarding experience. And I can never say enough prayers of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for his tender presence in our family.

We came home to my mom’s house because we were still looking for a job, but once this beautiful baby came into our family it seems that everything fell into place. Mark was offered a job in Souther California working for a small rocket company that his dad also worked for. As an Idaho girl I was apprehensive to leave all that I knew and move to the edge of the Mojave Desert, but when the Lord tells you to go, you go. We found a place to live more quickly than either of us thought we would be able, and this place has become the biggest blessing for our family. We love it here! My amazing friend Marcie took me under her wing the first Sunday I was in Primary and started taking me to the local Farmer’s Market. My mother-in-law has kept me busy and helped us with little stuff so that we could catch a few minutes alone together. Living here I’ve realized what a beautiful life I’ve been blessed with! Coulson is now well into his 7th month of life. He rolls everywhere and wishes he was standing now. He loves to feed himself and will eat just about anything so long as he is given the opportunity to do it himself. He sleeps in his crib snuggled next to mom and dad’s bed, which means he usually ends up sleeping in moms arms in her bed…co-sleeping has been a wonderful bonding experience! Mark loves his job, and I love mine! I get to stay home and take care of our home and my buddy. I hope this week you’ll take the time to look around and see the blessings that surround us so abundantly.

Coming home from the hospital

So tiny for his first ride home in the carseat

Peace and Blessings,

The Moser’s

Bridal Showers, Baby Showers, and Weddings

I know, there are more exciting things I could be writing about! But let’s be honest, I am a sucker for a good party and this summer was full of them! Between bridal showers and weddings I got to get my fill of planning and partying! Plus I was the guest of honor at one of the cutest baby showers I’ve ever been to. My little sisters are amazing! Because I’m trying to get caught up and at least briefly document so many monumental things that went on in 2015 (babies kind of complicate the ability to sit down and write a blog, and so does not having any internet!) I may tell most of today’s post with pictures…but let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good picture?!

Let’s start where my partying began. My sweet cousin Sierra got married in June and I got to make some cute invitations for a bridal shower/bachelorette party that my cousin Tiffany threw for her sister. (Printed by the Arco Advertiser in Arco, ID)

I also got to design an invitation set for her actual wedding and I really liked how they turned out! Here’s a little peek (Printed by the Arco Advertiser in Arco, ID):

I also got the opportunity to arrange her wedding bouquet alongside my Aunt Talisha. I may have mentioned the process in my last post but I just think it’s so special I want to share it really quickly here as well! We moved in with my mom the end of May and Sierra and I started talking about what flowers she wanted and looking at different options. The one flower she specifically requested were lilies but when the flowers were ordered they weren’t part of what she was able to do. We were working on her bouquet and it was missing something the day of her wedding, and that very morning a beautiful stem of lilies opened that were pure and white in my grandma’s garden. They were the only ones that color and my grandma sweetly offered to let us cut them for her bouquet. (This was a major deal because her garden is her jewel and she was hosting the big family reunion for her siblings that weekend.) Needless to say those 2 lilies were just what her bouquet needed and her wedding was so beautiful and elegant! I was so happy that I was able to be a part of it!

Obviously I can’t not throw a cute picture of my main squeeze in! He was such a sweetheart and took care of me, even though his allergies were killer that night!

Our next major event of the summer–and the one with which I was most involved–was my little sister’s wedding. There were many tearful, stressful conversations over the course of the summer. Natalie and Curtis got engaged over the Fourth of July weekend up at Banff National Park in Canada and once the semester was over we got the lovely opportunity to help plan her September wedding in Payson, UT.

Unlike me, Natalie wanted anything but a rustic reception. It was easy to help with Sierra’s because that was the style I did mine and she chose a similar style…but Natalie wanted something more elegant and sophisticated. Her inspiration began with a centerpiece she saw on pinterest: a teapot filled with roses. She also wanted a backyard reception so we went with a sort of English Tea party theme. I also got to help with her wedding invitations, and Mark took some beautiful engagement pictures of the happy couple the weekend of Sierra’s wedding. Here’s how her invitation set turned out:

They were printed on a linen cardstock with matching address labels for the invitations. They were simple and elegant, and very classic which I loved. And thankfully she did too! Thorne Printing in Nampa, ID, did a great job with the printing and she had some friends who were awesome help getting them addressed and sent out on time. It was a crazy time but so fun to see those cute invitations come in the mail and see people’s reactions!

While we were crazy busy planning the actual wedding I got to help plan her bridal shower. Unlike her actual wedding she wanted a camping themed bridal shower which left the door wide open for rustic! I went a little crazy and my sweet hubby was along for the ride and made sure that every single one of my dreams came true! Here were her bridal shower invitations (Printed by the Arco Advertiser in Arco, ID):

For decor we introduced some rustic elements, because what’s more rustic than camping in the great outdoors?! I totally forgot my camera but luckily my mom had hers so there are pictures somewhere to document how everything turned out. I had my hubby build a frame with chickenwire and some aged wood off my little sister’s treehouse (don’t worry she took them off before I ever had this idea). It turned out super cute and is now hanging on my wall. We printed up several 8×10’s from their engagement shoot and clothespinned them to the chickenwire. For the tables themselves I used my cousin Sierra’s wedding centerpieces…they were like the centerpieces that just kept on giving because she updated the mason jars I had used at my wedding. We used slices of wood under the mason jars which had rafia bows on the rims of the jars and burlap lace around the middle of the jar. In between these we had little burners with rocks around them to look like fire rings. We had skewers in the jars and bowls of different s’mores toppings so that people could make s’mores while they sat and visited. We also had pigs in a blanket (like roasting hot dogs), chips and salsa, a veggie tray, and some other snacky foods that we typically have when we go camping. We played games and had people write date ideas on popsicle sticks and put them in a jar for them. Here’s a look at some of the decor and the label for the jars. I was really proud of how it turned out!

Once the Bridal Shower was over we still had tons of prep work to do for the actual wedding. Mark and I were in charge of a lot of the little pieces of the decor that we used for the wedding. We cut handkerchiefs for the table centerpieces, we spray painted some vases from DI white, we painted letters, and we helped to set things up. I was less than a month away from having our little man so by the time wedding time hit I was pretty tired, sore, and often cranky…but we knocked out a beautiful day for the Parker’s and it was so much fun to craft while I didn’t have a little one in my arms. I will say this was the only time my entire pregnancy that I experienced swelling, but I had the luxury of going home after the big day and putting my feet up and letting some of that swelling go away before little man joined our family! Here are some pictures of the prep…and the quilt we made her…and the big day itself! She looked beautiful and I was so happy that she got married when we could be there!

Aren’t they just a beautiful couple? Curtis’s family was so sweet and helpful all weekend, making sure that I had everything I needed to get the flowers done with the help of my Aunt Talisha. Natalie’s bouquet included a lot of special flowers we had a florist pick out just to match her colors. It was a bit of a crazy ride getting them but it put her bouquet a cut above and it was amazing! She even got a couple ranunculus and a peony…both flowers she really wanted in her bouquet. Along with those flowers from the florist we also bought about 200 roses from Costco. It was a beautiful event and I was blessed to be a part of it!

The last event I wanted to include in this post was one I didn’t really do anything for because it was for me! My baby sister Natasha dreamed it up with the help of pinterest and Natalie was there to help her along the way! Together they did a fantastic job, and the only thing that I really helped with was the invitation. And even then I just showed Natasha the ropes and she was able to design most of it herself. I was really proud of all the effort that she put into it! Here are some pictures to highlight their handy work (Invitation printed by Arco Advertiser in Arco, ID):

I was so blessed to have most of my family there to support us as we started on this new adventure of motherhood and having a baby! My wonderful friend Scarlett even drove all the way over from Rexburg, it was fun to catch up with everyone and enjoy their company! What a blessing being able to live by my family for much of 2015 was for our little family!

Ages

It really is shameful how long it’s been since I wrote last. So much has changed I really can’t believe I haven’t really written about it. 

Our adventures, or at least the adventure that is the topic of this particular post, began in early January. You may remember that I wrote a post about our struggle to have a baby, no one has ever read a post that many times haha! 

Well when I went in for my next appointment I was in a really good spot and quite certain that we were not pregnant. I had the routine ultrasound to check the health of my ovaries and there was increased blood flow to the one side but nothing too major. So I went into the consultation room with the doctor thinking we might have another thing to deal with but ready for the challenge. When the doctor came in he told me we had a problem and lowered my file to show me this:

  
I couldn’t believe my eyes! After all this time we were finally pregnant. I grinned from ear to ear and when I got to the car all the cute ways I had planned to tell Mark went out the window and I just called him. He was super excited and neither one of us could believe that after all our prayers and tears we were finally pregnant. 

The end of the month of February brought not so swell news and we lost our job and with it our insurance. I’ve found in my life that when I feel confident or like I have my life figured out in some way, Heavenly Father has a way of reminding me that He is in charge. This was definitely one of those experiences and it issued more prayer and tears. 

We had the opportunity to visit Mark’s parents. They sweetly catered the menu to my picky first trimester tummy and we had so much fun visiting with them! When we came home the reality of having few work hours set in and we prepared to move. Amidst this chaos I was blessed to be surprisingly relaxed and the baby developed super healthily. 

The end of May we had the opportunity to see baby boy one last time and go to my sweet cousins graduation. We found out we were having a boy and I was pretty excited to meet the little fellow. 

   
   
The beginning of June we moved into my moms basement and started to find a new normal intermingled with my family. The pregnancy progressed like it should, and we had so much fun camping, hiking, and visiting with family. My cousin got married and my sister got married and life was a crazy ride. We were blessed that Mark could work odd jobs and I got to hang out with my mom. It was sooo nice to be home, and Mark was a really good sport about it. 

    

For Sierra’s wedding the end of July we did a quilt (my cousin Tiffany helped do the pattern and a lot of the cutting, and my mom and aunt Talisha helped with the sewing, and our good friend Rochelle Taylor did the quilting). It was a valiant effort and we knocked out an oversized king quilt top in about a week, and it was pieced. It was a marathon but when you haven’t had a ton to do the challenge is kind of exciting. I also helped with the wedding bouquet and it turned out stunning thanks to my Grandma Hansen’s donation of the beautiful white lilies that are front and center. They were the only ones in her garden but she wanted Sierra to have lilies since that was the one flower she had requested. 

  

Sierra’s wedding bouquet 

  
 

Some silly selfies with my hubby after the wedding…I love weddings because they remind me of my own and how in love I felt that day and have felt every day since!
   

Every year towards the end of July my family plans a community “fun run” in their home town. This year I was crazy enough to walk 3 miles right at the tail end of my 2nd trimester. We came in dead last but I walked every step of the way with my sweetheart by my side. 

  

This was a picture I snapped at one of our family camping trips in Sawmill Canyon. Do you know how much work it takes to get your super pregnant wife to go camping?? Ask Mark and he’ll fill you in…lets just say it involved an army cot and lots of pillows, but we had so much fun!!

  

2 weddings in a summer and that meant 2 quilts. Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of my counsins, but this is the quilt top I made for my sister Natalie and her husband Curtis. Props to my mama for all her help and my sweet mother in law Kaye for quilting it!

This was right before the darling baby shower my sisters did for me! It was rubber ducky/bath time themed and I was in awe of the Pinterest-esque display they put on! We had so much fun, and I had to snap a picture because for the first time in months I had my hair done, makeup on, and my legs were shaved 😉
   

My darling sister and her cute hubby and their idyllic backyard reception

    

Natalie’s bouquet that I got to help make 🙂 seriously tracking down all these flowers the day before her wedding was a trip but it turned out so gorgeous! I made my most favorite bouquets this summer so far for weddings!

  

Just to give you a general idea of the amazing reception, The wedding planner in me was drooling! Here are some close ups of the decor:  

    
    
    
    
   

Obviously since I’m trying to catch up there’s lots to say so I’ll do some other posts but this give you an idea of a little bit of what happened in 2015. 

Catch Up: Christmas with the Mosers in Blackfoot

Well I was going through the SD card from the camera and found a lot of great pictures that I’ve never put up on the blog. It started with christmas, which we did early last year because we were going to Alabama for Christmas to spend a couple weeks with family. So about a week before Christmas we really spoiled each other…our logic being maybe in 2015 we would be blessed with a sweet little baby and this would be our last year to just spend time (and extra money) on each other. It was a wonderful Christmas. So without further adieu, here is a picture overload of our Christmas 🙂

Mark got a new lense for the camera so excuse the plethora of pictures of me…he was having fun trying out the new camera!

With God Nothing Shall be Impossible

Friends, family, strangers…the outpouring of love that I have felt after publishing “I couldn’t have a baby but she could” has been overwhelming and empowering. It was viewed over 1,000 times, which I know is like minor leagues in the blogosphere, but is huge considering I don’t think the rest of my posts had that many views combined. It was shared on Facebook, Google, and Pinterest. People shared their stories with me. Friends I haven’t spoken with in ages reached out and expressed love and support in such beautiful ways. For a struggle that was so personal and so hidden for so long the liberation of creating a platform for people to share their stories on was incredible. I have tried, in the past, to share those thoughts that are deep, precious, and painful from my heart. They have come out bitter, angry, painful, through a sea of tears…and after each successive time of pouring my heart out I would simply delete the post because it didn’t feel right. This story, this experience, has a lot of heart ache…but it also has so much beauty! I was able to serve those who were experiencing the very thing I longed for most. I was able to gain a testimony of Jesus Christ and his lifting power through the Atonement. I was able to lean on my husband…something I am often far too stubborn to do. I’ve learned to be grateful for the little things. I have learned the power of specific prayer. I have had the knowledge of angels reaffirmed to me…I have felt them round about me lifting up. I have learned about hope. I have prayed for faith. I have felt the depths of discouragement, but I have also felt the joys of triumphs.

So often people tell those in difficult positions to “chin up…God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle.” My friend called me this week and told me that on top of all the horrible tragedy her family has experienced in the last year they had yet another trial they were facing. My heart broke, a woman I look to as a mother had just been diagnosed…9 months after a man I looked to as a father was taken suddenly from this world. This friend told me that she had expressed to her mom that it was too much…her mom’s response was awesome. She simply said, “well God must think we’re bad asses.” Sometimes when we think about it we wonder what God is thinking?! How can I handle this much on top of everything else that’s going on right now. In the book, Continuous Conversion, Elder Brad Wilcox shares a quote from kris Belcher, author of Hard Times. She says:

“The idea that I wouldn’t be given anything i couldn’t handle was not true! If it were then there would be no need for Christ. I had been given many things to handle that required more power than I had. Only when I accessed the power of Jesus Christ would my strength be magnified and my weakness overcome” (91).

I think so often when things get tough we have a tendency to rely on our own faculties and strength to get through. We so easily forget that there is someone there who has already suffered for us…we don’t need to suffer needlessly for he has already suffered it completely. Through Christ we truly are given nothing that we cannot handle without his strength…it is when we try to rely on our own physical strength that we are over come and cannot complete the things that must be accomplished.

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for sharing your stories and for sharing mine. My hopes in publishing my previous post were that one person would be touched and would be brought solace from my story…thank you for making that happen. I am truly blessed.

N Moser

I couldn’t have a baby but she could

I have to be honest, the inspiration for this post came from a post on blitheblog.com called I Could Have a Baby but She Couldn’t. This is in response to that post–which moved me to talk about something I never would have otherwise. 

My husband and I were married 1 year after we met. I was so in love and he was so incredibly perfect for me. Almost as soon as we were married I was ready to start our family, but we felt we should wait. Those months from September to December were agonizing as I longed for babies and the ward we attended at church had plenty but I knew none of the mothers.

I remember that super long text I got from my sweet husband explaining that he felt we were ready to start our family. Explaining that that month of birth control would be my last because my dream of finally being a mother was going to be recognized. We prayed and attended the temple to be sure that this decision was in fact the correct decision for us. I was so excited that first month without birth control—I was certain that because we had felt so strongly that this was the time that we would be pregnant in January.

Month after month I thought this would be the month and 6 months later it finally was! I remember being too nervous to look at the pregnancy test and making my husband do it. I remember telling this unborn embryo in my womb about how I met their father, about how wonderful it was going to be to have them join our family. I was so sick, and although I had sworn I would never be that girl who complained about morning sickness I did. I was exhausted and a nanny to 4 kids, thank goodness for a family who was willing to work with me through this whole experience.

On July 1 I sat nervously in the doctors office waiting for it to be my turn for the ultrasound. I was so anxious and my husband encouraged me as we waited. They finally called me back and the ultrasound began. The ultrasound tech asked me lots of questions and I kept waiting to hear the heart beat that everyone always raves about. But before I knew it the ultrasound was over the ultrasound tech was telling me there was no heart beat and the doctor would be in to speak with me shortly.

As I got dressed I wondered if this could really be happening. Maybe I had calculated wrong and the baby I thought would be 10 weeks really should have only been measuring 6 weeks and a day. The doctor came in and chatted before we got into the hairy details. He explained that we were at a pivotal point; there was little chance that at this stage in the pregnancy the baby would develop a heartbeat. I looked at the tiny glossy picture of my baby and hoped beyond all hope that I would get that miracle. We prayed. We fasted. I had loving men place their hands on my head and give me a priesthood blessing, which promised that the desires of my heart would be fulfilled. I lay awake that night willing the desire of my heart to be life, but finally conceding that rather than what I wanted I wanted what God wanted.

A week later, on my birthday, the doctor himself did the ultrasound. Instead of there being a tiny little sac like there had been the week before there was nothing. My heart broke. Life seemed to have no flavor, no zeal, and I longed for that unborn baby to be there in my arms. The days passed slowly before I finally began the miscarriage process on my own. 2 weeks later my body wasn’t doing things the way it should have been and so the doctor performed a D&C with the instructions to wait at least 3 months before we started trying again.

3 months came and went and my cycle, which I had loathed so much before, never came. I finally went to the doctor seeking help and he began a regimen of various medicines to try and induce a cycle. Month after month nothing would happen and we would try again. I tracked my temperature, worrying that I would miss ovulation and a chance to conceive. But the truth was my body wasn’t ovulating.

I looked at other mothers with multiple children and selfishly asked why they were pregnant again when I wasn’t even allowed to have one baby. I would get on Facebook and cry as I scrolled through the seemingly endless barrage of friends announcing their pregnancies. I knew I should be happy but the hole in my heart was jagged and fresh and their joy filled my heart with sorrow. When January rolled around and friends who had been pregnant when I had been started having their babies I cried more because I would have had a little one then too. As they posted their baby’s milestones I would cry because my baby would have been doing those same things at about the same time. I longed for my baby and my heart ached with the rejection month after month.

Every 6 weeks I went to the doctor. I fought with the insurance company to cover my treatments. Friends would tell me not to stress, it would happen, but their words only made me more stressed. I felt so discouraged. I loathed my body and wondered why, if it was so amazing, it wouldn’t fix itself and let this happen. People would say, “well at least you got pregnant once so you know you can.” But that cut deeper than any other knife, I had gotten pregnant but it hadn’t lasted long and now the lifeblood that led to pregnancy was absent completely from my life. I felt so alone.

And then I met other women who were experiencing the same struggle as me, or had similar struggles. People would remind me that great women that I looked up to had had similar struggles. Women approached me in confidence and told me there stories and I realized that no one wants to broadcast the hurt they feel when they miscarry or when they frankly can’t have children. We shared perspective on women like Abraham’s wife Sarah and Isaac’s wife Rebecca. Being in that struggle helped me to realize that I was not alone and that magnificent women had persevered. I associated with women who had been told they could not ever have children and I cried with them. In so many ways I will never understand that situation because I was blessed with that first pregnancy even though it ended in miscarriage.

So to the mothers who are blessed with children I would also say:

You are courageous. You are full of hope and strong. Your heart is filled with a compassion and desire that I someday hope to experience; however I pray that I will learn your gifts of patience and trust. I am sorry for not being overjoyed with your pregnancy. I am sorry for all the times I have begrudged your complaints about sleep issues and toddler problems instead of recognizing that although those moments are a gift from God the struggle is still real. I am sorry if my stories of miscarriage and fertility struggles are painful jabs at your attempts to comfort me in a difficult place. I am sorry for not understanding your joy and rejoicing with you instead of jealously wanting that blessing for myself. I am sorry for not holding your hand and praying with you when being a mom seemed like more than you could bear. I will promise to learn from your wonderful mother’s heart, to hope, and to trust, and keep believing in God even though I don’t always understand his ways. I promise I won’t resent your gift of children as I learn from your example and watch you cherish them.

I am grateful to have friends from all walks of life all at different points on the spectrum of life. I am grateful that although I have struggled with this for the last year, wonderful women have come into my life who have let me snuggle and love on their tiny infants, who have allowed me to serve them during difficult pregnancies because it soothed my broken heart. I am grateful that the doctors have been able to get my faculties back in working order so that bearing children is once again a possibility. I know I do not fit the perfect bill of infertility, but from one woman to another, let us stand together. The blessing of children may come in abundance, it may come a little, or it may not come at all—but the Lord is mindful of each of us.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said: “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”

Where ever we may fall in that spectrum of life we have the promise that God is mindful of us and will bless us. And that brings comfort to my heart.